The Tim Chronicles

WWW.DrinkDrano.com

2005-04-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Thats right bitches, I finally got my own site. Feel free to visit as my blog will be moving there sometime in the near future. As it stands right now I don't have to much going on but I will be adding message boards and shit like that. But in the mean time its back to making fun of others, at a cluster Fuck of website which will be more gooder than this Blog.

WWW.DrinkDrano.com

Random thoughts

2005-03-02T13:12:00.000-08:00

You know what I like doing? Watching people. For example......

Watching people shovel their driveway while it is snowing out. And I dont meen a light snow either, but coming down at the equivalent of the rate that they are shoveling it off. Its times like this that you wish to see a city snow plow push all the snow back in their driveway on the way by. You can only hope that their car gets stuck and they are late to work the next moring and get fired....that and the hope that you see them slip on some ice and crack their head open.

Here is a group of people that need their faces cut off by a weed wacker.....People who park in handicap spaces in parking lots that are clearly not handicaped. You know you see them pull up and they have the mirror hanging white guy in a wheel chair sticker. They get out and stroll right into the store like it aint no thing. I'll tell you why it pisses me off too. Im jealous. I want that spot but the stupid bitches have to take it instead. Instead of a fine from now on we need to make the person taking the spot become handicaped them selves. But not by breaking a leg or arm. They need to take one right up the ass. Thats right.....they need to be raped like a young white man in prison.

Oh by the way, I have never been one for politics but for each day that goes by I am really beginning to hate people who swing to the left.

Thats all I got for now.....

I hate top 10 lists!

2005-02-23T19:37:00.000-08:00

I fucking hate top ten lists! Every single one is complete bullshit. I would like to extend my thanks out to the one and only David Letterman...the only fuckin show that still puts out these lists nightly like anyone gives a shit. Honestly does anyone run to the tv any more to see this bullshit? Turn it on sometime...you'll get woppers like:Top Ten Surprises In George W. Bush's State Of The Union Address, or how bout the ol' Top Ten Secrets To Winning The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show....Are you fucking kidding me....And last night one of the worst so far....

Top Ten Messages Left On Paris Hilton's Cell Phone

10. "You probably don't remember me, but we had sex about 3 weeks ago."
9. "Consider switching to Verizon, we rarely let hackers steal our personal information."
8. "So this is the second most embarassing thing that's ever happened to you?"
7. "Uh yes, I'd like to book a room for next Wednesday night at the Detroit Hilton."
6. "It's Bill Clinton. I've been meaning to call you for some time."
5. "Hey it's Pauly Shore--thanks for getting my name in the newspaper."
4. "Sorry I missed you, you must be at work...just kidding."
3. "Hi, it's Christo. Wanna get freaky in Central Park?"
2. "You have a collect call from Dave Letterman, will you accept?"
1. "Is there anything of yours NOT on the internet?"

Who writes this shit? I really hope he dosent. How far out of the loop can one possibly be? My guess is this isthey left out a couple......

"Paris this is Ashley Olsen, I was wondering if you could teach me how to suck a cock"....BEEP!

"Hey its Dad.....Thanks for helping out the Hilton name by being such a whore....OH! and real quick when you get some time teach your mom how to suck a cock"...BEEP!

Thats all I got for now....Fuckin lists.....The only funny top 10 list would be of people who I want to get cancer and die

?

2005-02-20T23:05:00.000-08:00

????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Free Mini Mac...who wants $10 bucks???

2005-01-23T22:40:00.000-08:00

I am giving away $10 to the 1st 10 people that signs up under me and completes their offer for a free mini mac. Most of them are free but require a credit card to sign up. Basicly you sign up, complete an offer and get 10 people to complete an offer and they send you a mini mac thats it! This is completly legit and from the same people as the free ipod deal. So sign up by clicking my link and helping me out and when your offer is completed I will send you $10 via paypal and when my 10 are done I will put you up here you up here to get your 10 people as well.

http://www.FreeMiniMacs.com/?r=14124494

p.s. Don't try to sign up more than once...it wont work, and you wont get your mini :-(

Remember that thing I said about Belding as president?

2005-01-16T09:43:00.000-08:00

This entry goes into the Jesus Fucking Christ catagory. This is Mr. Belding as you remember him on the show "Saved by the Bell"

This is him now:

What the fuck happened? He looks like he ate Screech and Lisa. God damnit. So much for my political prediction. God I suck, and so does he.....on a fuckin milkshake....fuckin fatass.

So what the hell have I been up to???

2005-01-05T21:09:00.000-08:00

Well where do I start.....I guess the big news is I got a new job. Thats right, No more Perk! Im now working at Microcenter in Mayfield. Unlike the previous occupation I had I no longer smell like pancakes when I come home. I wear a nice dress shirt, tie, and slacks everyday (did I just use the word slacks? God I need to eat a bullet.)

Anyways, It has been really good so far. I work in the general sales dept. where I sell stuff like Software, Cables, Ink, CD's, DVD's, video games, and a ton of other computer shit. I am doing very well sales wise. I have been beating everyone in my dept in sales for 2 weeks in a row which I guess is very good because Im only on part time competing against some people who have been there a couple years and are full time. Im such an ass too. I will rip you off with out even knowing your name. If a customer comes in asking for help with something I will manage to squeeze every penny I can out of them. I guess this makes the saying true "dont ever trust someone in a tie". But it really is a good place to work. It pays very well and I have met a bunch of new people, all of whom dont have illagedament children, live in trailers, or can do the entire alpabet without taking a 5 second break inbetween letters unlike somewhere else.......

On the same subject I have got to deal with people up close and personal for the 1st time. This has led to some fascinating thoughts.....

1. There is an age where you shouldnt be allowd to use technology anymore. Its usually around 55 or so. If you are a woman subtract 5 years (sorry ladies but you should get off the computer and into the kitchen where you belong.)
2. Undesirables like to use the store as a hang out for some reason. Its funny to see them all in their gheto gear come in and ask "yo man, where be the bafroom" you respond and you always get the old "aight, coo".
3. Have you ever been so frustrated with someone that you think about holding them down and pouring bleech into their eyes??? Just wondering.
4. If you are a tranvestite do everyone a favor, work on the voice 1st.....the fake boobs and fingernails can wait.....its just a little freeky when you think you are talking to a woman and get a voice only James Earl Jones could produce.

Other than that life has been good. I think most of you know why. Enough said.

I havent had time to think about school in awile because of the job. I am getting paid very well and am finally saving some dough. I am planning on having enough by fall to get back in full time and go somewhere. I am leaning toward Kent or OSU. I was all for Kent but If I do goto OSU there is a microcenter there so I would have a really good job during school. But we will see how that goes.

I really wish I had some more to bring to the table, but I am super tired. So here are some quick ones:
1. Lost is my new favorite show....If you havent already, check it out.
2. Fuck Howard, O&A are on XM
3. A certain someone who lives in this house is still psycho like most of you would guess.
4. Go Cavs!
5. Is there a law against picking up and throwing a midget if you see one?.....I just wana be ready
6. A big Fuck You goes out to my neighbor who decides to snow blow hid driveway every morning at 5 a.m......hey dick!, its not necessary to do that in under 1 inch of show. Fuck You!
7. If you are the cunt I saw with the bumpersticker "Jesus is coming... Look busy." I honestly hope that your son tells you hes gay, your husband cheats on you with his secretary, then after all that your daughter informs you that she is pregnant with a black mans baby.

Thats all I got for now.......

I saw 2 fidgets today!

2004-11-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

What is a fidget you ask? A Fidget is another name for a midget. You know a Dwarf, short shit, little person, or an oompa loompa. Anyone that knows me knows that I am fasinated with Fidgets. Everything from their tiny hands to their enoromusly gigantic unproporshinate head.

Not only did I see a fidget I saw 2!!! They were husband and wife from what I could tell. The man (if you want to call him that) had on a Dale Earnhart cap which I suppose could fit an 8 year old, he also had a classic motors machanic uniform which got me thinking. I bet he was hired to fill the midget quota for the company. For those of you that dont know companies have quotas for certain races and religions. For example: A medium companys has a black quota of 10%. That company will hire 10% black people no matter their skill so they wont be deemed racist and be sued if there is an incident of firing that perticualr undesirable. So come on, you know a fidget couldnt do the work load of a regual mechanic. Lifting heavy tires off the car that probobly weigh more than him. So my guess is Classic hired him just so him and all his little friends couldnt march on the Classic lawn to Mr. Brown with their little nubby fingers holding picket signs that say "Don't fire me cause I'm four foot three!"

And the woman was pregnant. Can you imagine the joy this lucky couple must be having? Another little oompa loompa on the way. My guess is the best part about being a parent of a fidget is you can shop for them in the little kid section of the clothes store untill they are 49 years old. Think of the savings!

Anyway I think they caught me stairing at them a few times but I dont care. I must learn about these mysterious creatures in any way that I can. And one last thought.....do midgets take regual turds or little bitty midget sized turds??? (thank you larry the cable guy!)

And the vote goes to.......

2004-11-02T17:19:00.000-08:00

In this age of uncertainty it is really hard to decide who to vote for. You have Bush and Kerry, neither of which I really give two shits about enough to wait in line for an hour listening to the soccer moms whine about how they don't want to pay any more taxes so they can continue to sit on their fat asses all day and spend all their husbands money while he is out getting blown by his secretary.

In reality I have looked over both candidates and feel that no matter who wins my life will barely be affected at all. I mean sure, my taxes might go up or down a couple bucks a year, and sure social security may be important one day in my life but for now there is only really one man I trust enough to run this great county of ours....One man who I belief can stand up to adversity, one man who above all others has shown me and everyone my age what disabling, truth, honor, and liberty is all about. And that man is...............................................

Dennis Haskins

That's right! Gold old Mr. Belding. Think about it, what would the world be like if Mr. Belding were president? I would imagine the terrorists would shake in their towl at the slitest mention of him. Can you even imagine for a second what a presidential speech from this man would be like? All the reporters would be talking, the camera crew smoking their cigars excited about who is going to bang the new weather chic that week. Then Belding steps up to the mic "Hey, hey, hey. What is going on here? "

And believe you me he has his soft side too. Remember the episode where his wife had the baby in the elevator. It really exposed him for me and made me realize there was more to this principal than meets the eye. It wasn't until the final episode where Mr. Belding hugged Zack after he received his diploma when I realized this man is my idol.

So I have a quest. In 2008 Mr. Belding will be president. I will risk injury, humiliation, and even death to complete my goal. I will have the world join hands and our voices will be heard!

p.s. Remember the last 3 letters in principal spell "pal".

Walmart Observations

2004-10-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

Walmart is one of if not the #1 retail chain in the country. But today I realized some things about the retail giant.

Its the Mexicans 2nd home (next to their trailer). Come on now....Im not racist by any means but you couldn't pick up and throw a 3 foot midget without hitting a Mexican in that store. Being there makes me want a borrito and some salsa for some reason.
You think your life sucks? Need a self esteem booster? Then come to walmart my friends! Here you will see some of lives complete mental rejects. Come see the man with 2 teeth.....We also have the lady in her bath robe.....and not to mention the 500 pickup trucks in the parking lot that are at least 15 years old with enough miles on them combined to circle the earth 1000 times.
The Cashiers: I don't know what it takes to become a cashier but im almost certain a chain smoking mother, a horny uncle, a boyfriend with at least 20 tattoos, and a home that has wheels on it are pre requisites. High school graduates also need not apply.
Walmart is the nations #1 location to take your dates if you are a cheap son of a bitch. Pick out that special lady in your life a nice new lime green blouse.....She'll love you forever.....at least until she finds out your her husband and her brother.
Its a family event: Like for instance the young lady that was loosing her mind running over to the fishing equipment yelling "baby, we gotta get this for the kids!"

I love walmart I really do. Its great you can go for free, its only a short drive away and 10X better than a movie. My only complaint about it is at some point during the day the doors should lock and the store unleashes some nerve gas to kill the vial wastes huddled around the hunting gear inside.

Also while im at it I have some New bumper stickers!
These come to us from the newbies car at work:

I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!
(I cant believe this ones accually real! I finally saw it! Wow! Now where is my knife)

To bad people with closed minds don't have closed mouths
(that's right fella.....and also to bad there is a 5 day waiting period on guns in the state of Ohio....It will give me time to cool down from that lame ass expression.)

I believe in dragons and other fantasy creatures
(And I believe in torture involving making the victim drink drano.)

What I learned today

2004-10-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

Getting less than 4 hours of sleep to work a whole shift isnt gonna cut it.
In reality there are a ton of gay truck drivers, and if you hear BJ 21 on the CB dont turn to channel 21!
I spend alot of money on subway.
Order Cavs tickets at the beginning of the season or you wont be goning to any decent games.
Get ESP to learn when the concerts you want to goto are so you dont miss the sale date by a week.
And most importantly 9 days left.

Oct. 4th.......I finally have a reason to live

2004-10-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

In Time.....

2004-09-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

I can hear what you're thinking,
All your doubts and fears,
And if you look in my eyes, in time you'll find,
The reason I'm here.

And in time all things shall pass away,
In time, you may come back someday.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.

You know your days are numbered,
Count them one by one,
Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun.
You can outrun the devil, if you try,
But you'll never outrun the hands of time.

In time there surely, come a day
In time all things shall pass away,
In time you may come back some say.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.

?????????????

2004-09-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

FreeIPODS.com---I NEED EVERYONES HELP

2004-09-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

Heres the deal....You sign up for 1 of a bunch of those giveaway/offer things you see all over the internet(ex. AOL free month). Then you refer 5 people to each sign up for one. Then they send you a free IPod! This is not a scam and it is easy as shit. You wont have to pay a penny!

To get a free IPod, all you have to do is click the link on the bottom of this post to sign up for freeipods.com and sign up for 1 offer and get 5 people to do the same....I bet your thinking this is a scam but its not! Read this
http://www.wired.com/news/mac/0,2125,64614,00.html

This is so simple.....yes you do need a credit card for the offer you sign up for, BUT for most of them you wont be charged a penny. I signed up for free AOL for 50 days which I will never use....All you have to do is cancel it within the 50 days and you wont be charged anything. You just have to wait like 3 days and you will get credit for the offer and you can cancel without ever using the service.

So PLEASE help me out and if you help me out I will do the same for you as well so we can all get free IPods.

Click Here To Sign up and help me out!
http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=8773514

UPDATE:9/8/04
I did it I got all 5 people! Now I have to wait 3-7 days so they can confirm everything! Then they will send out the IPod. You can still sign up to get yours free....just click the link above.

I despise people with bumper stickers.....

2004-09-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

I have had a long hatred with people who have bumper stickers on their cars. So do everyone a favor if you have one on your car that you think is witty, or clever TAKE IT OFF! NO ONE IS LAUGHING.
What do you think....people are driving behind you on the freeway nudging each other "hunny look...hahahahaha" SHUT UP! Think about it...you have never laughed at a bumper sticker, you might have come close maybe once.
I have seen some of the worst bumper stickers ever....today I saw the Buck Finladen one....are you fucking kidding me? Just say it....god damnit! The worst bumper stickers I have ever seen are the abortion ones..........God Is Pro-Life........Babies are NOT Spare parts.......If you can read this, you weren't aborted......If Mary was Pro-choice there would be NO Christmas! ......you have got to be kidding me with these!!!!!! God Damnit! WTF????? Who thinks of this shit.
As Jim Norton put it I saw a one...it said "Im not as Think as you drunk I am"...the only way that would be funny is if you saw that guy run over a bicyclist...then its kind of ironicly funny.

Anyway....Ill peek putting em up as I see em...and if you see a bumper sticker that is so bad send it to me and I'll put it up as well

Where the hell did the summer go?

2004-08-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

Man its like it was yesterday that I was in school with the two coolest kats I know having a blast. Now the summer has flown by so quick I forgot to stop and take a look around. I miss Pierce best professor ever, as well as all the friends I have made at lakeland over the past couple years.
Man not only has summer flew by but life as well. Its amazing how when you are a kid you have the whole world ahead of you and it feels like a week is as long as a month. Now its like Im in college and have all these money issues to worry about. WTF? Where has all the fun gone? 40+ hour work weeks, and the bitching that goes with....
So now that I have time to chill and think I realize I am still that kid and have a long way to go. This is a leason to be learned, why are we rushing trying to get out there and make all this money and grow old and die. Its gonna happen eventully so why are we rushing......this leads to my new favorite quote "What was ment to be, will be....and I dont even have to try". Life is to short to waste so Im gonna take it one day at a time and have fun while it lasts. And as always I dont ever wana grow up because if I did....you know the rest......

All we need is just a little patience
-Axl

So we got this new server at work.....

2004-08-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

Shes from Floridia and just moved here...So today I was wearing a red bandana and she asked me if it "represented anything" meaning if I was in a gang. So what did I do? I laughed in her face with the upmost glee. I laughed and laughed and laughed....Im like "what faggot is still in a gang?, this is Mentor, Ohio" and then made fun of her for abit.
I notice during this time she isnt laughing back and is looking sad....So I ask her whats up and she tells me that her brother was in a gang, got shot, and died in her arms......I couldnt hold it inside and I laughed in her face again.
Does this make me a bad person?

The FU of the day......

2004-08-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

This FU goes out to my mother fuckin Tivo for fucking up and not copying the browns game for me...I was ok with working tonight just as long as I got to see the game when I got home and it didnt work. I avoided all human contact and avoided the tv all night to make sure I didnt know what happened. So Fuck You Tivo....Fuck You!

So I guess no more school for me....

2004-08-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

So I try to get loans for school and it looks like its not gonna happen. You see most if not all of the banks require at least 2 years of credit when I only have about 6 months. I never thought to get a credit card when I was 18 because I had my Debit/Credit card from the bank that did everything for me. So now im SOL.
As you may guess my parents arnt giving me a dime for it needless to say I will be saving up and doing it my self. I do have to give props to the Koblentzes who have helped me more on the issue than my parents ever have or will, showing me loans and talking about school with me. So now looks like I will be saving up for a year or so and paying my own way.....
...Lets hope my mom dosent try to stab me again this year while I'm here.

So someone at Circuit City needs to die

2004-08-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

So I get the sunday ad's today and find that circuit city has a Hard Drive on sale for $40 after rebates. Not a bad price. So I bet you can guess why someone needs to die. Thats right I went all the way there and they were out of them. So the thing is I know someone needs a shower of acid poured all over there face but im not sure who to blame. Its one thing if this was the first time but this happens over and over. I drive all the way to a store and they run out of what im going to get.
Could it be the stupid bitch with the curly hair who didnt even know what I was talking about or blame the store? Im not sure but I do know one day I will be on the roof with a rifle and a scope killing red shirted circuit city employees with glee.
I can only hope that whoever is responsible for my waste of an hour today dies on christmas morning. I hope they are walking down the stairs to their childrens shouts of youthfull inocense and trip on a toy firetruck and break their neck on the way down.
Fuck you circuit city....may your store catch on fire while all of the employees are trapped inside.

The past 9 months

2004-07-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

As I sit here thinking of the last 9 months alot comes to mind......happiness, sadness, and every other emotion one could think of. I remember all of the times we shared that are no more. Its amazing how fast your life can change without you even realizing it untill its too late. Now theres nothing I can do but wait. These next 3 month will be some of the hardest ever. But I will make it.

3 months is a long time to wait.....but wait I will. I have to hang on because I know that it is the right thing, it is the only thing I have left.

Why I hate people and answering machines

2004-07-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

Hey Its my first post so I think I'll start it off right with a rant of the day:

Answering machines....God I DESPISE the way people talk on them. There are a few differences but it all adds up to the same conclusion....people are fucking jizz buckets. For starters you have the lady who is not a so close friend or relative that calls and gives the ol' "hey its me". What the fuck is that??? is it that hard to say your name? "It's me" Yeah its you all right...when I am stabbing you to death leaving my call back number in your forehead.....Then youve got the stupid bitch who always everyday calls when they know nobodys home and gives the ol' "Hello? Are you there? HHEEELLLOOO?? Pick up if your there.....Hello???? Ok Ill just call back later" GOD DAMNIT! I would love to hack away at the midsection of the woman who keeps calling and doing that.....And when I do it I hope shes pregnant.

I gotta run now....Im sure Ill have more to bitch about later...